Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in erikhelman's LiveJournal:

Saturday, November 26th, 2005
12:16 am	Anti-white discrimination in the gay community. Part II It goes beyond the gay community. Most blacks, Latinos and whites (in general) have lived side-by-side but separately in New York and other American cities. This is expressed in MSM (men having sex with men) circles too. But after the Stonewall Event in 1969 it seems that MSM whites really went their separate ways from their black and Latino brethren. The white MSMs gained more visibility and became more emboldened sexually. Sex around trucks, parks, and the piers became a common pastime for MSM whites. The Golden Age of Gay Sex was under way, though mostely for whites. Gay publications also starting coming out, like the Advocate, but it was all white: by whites and for whites. MSM blacks and Latinos seemed to still be totally underground, frozen in the pre-1970s era. I did not start to feel a substantial black and Latino presence in the gay scene till the early 1990s. Today, one can read postings on Yahoo or Adam4Adam of blacks and Latinos complaining about how whites usurped the very notion of gay presence and cut other races out of the loop. Whether this is true or if other races simply didn’t want to participate with white men in emerging gay openness in the 1970s and 80s is anyone’s guess. In testimony from a few black men I’ve spoken to, whites may not have actively discriminated against blacks and Latinos, but lacked sensitivity and reaching out to them. For whatever reasons, fewer non-white MSMs chose the path of grater visibility. Today, black MSMs and WSWs (the lesbians) are contributing substantially to gay publications, organizing parties and events, and show up more often to city parks for sex at nights. Cool! Just one problem for me: "Whites need not apply". Ok, so less blacks and Latinos for me, who I find very attractive. This may not make a difference to other blacks and Latinos looking for each other, but we all hurt in the end if black and white men refuse to close the racial rift. My strong belief is that sex is a strong part of MSM expression. Nearly all, if not all males, are sexual beings, gay and straight. For the uncommitted MSMs among us, sex is not just recreation; it’s a way of expressing kinship among our peers. Even when anonymous, sex among men expresses mutual sharing of natural pleasure. Inevitably, some black and Latino MSMs will not be sexually interested in white guys. Some White MSMs will have no sexual interest in blacks and or Latinos. But with so many black and white MSMs expressing sexual disinterest with the other signifies cultural expectations to avoid fraternization. Thankfully, I find a sprinkling of blacks and Latinos reaching out to me and other whites. Yes, I get material benefit for feeling an exotic body different from my own race. It’s erotic for me. But I also seek positive benefits for my ulterior motives, an effort to reach out to as many different types of men as possible, beyond sex. Current Mood: I feel better than last entry. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
3:04 am	Anti-white discrimination in the gay community. Part I This weekend I’m visiting my parent’s house. I feel a bit frustrated because I’m missing some sex parties. However I’m on a budget, now that I’m paying rent on top of personal expenses. But while I’m on the subject of gay sex parties or gay sex in general, I have to vent my frustration at the anti-white mood of the sex community in much of New York and the US. In New York alone, HX and Next magazines advertise several sex parties that occur regularly throughout the city. Even more are advertised on the Web. But I’d say that about 90% of them are billed as just for “blacks and latinos”. As a white guy who loves sex with blacks and Latinos, I can’t help feeling some bitterness over this. I recently talked about this with a blatino friend while in San Juan. He essentially told me I was overacting and should just respect their wishes. This same friend of mine moved away from New York because he complained of “red lining” or that real estate agents refused to offer him leases in predominately white neighborhoods because he was dark. He made fun of my anger toward the widespread anti-white sentiment throughout America’s gay community. I shrugged off his laughter and let him have the last word, but I struggle to know if I am overacting or is there legitimate cause to my frustration; perhaps parallel to being red lined in real estate. Do gay blacks and Latinos red line white gay men sexually? I feel that white men are being red lined sexually by their darker brethren in the gay community. I recently saw a profile in Adam 4 Adam (a popular web site for all male sex encounters) of a young Latino guy seeking a partner. He requested that his partner NOT be a drug user, alcoholic, diseased, or white! I was outraged by appearing on par with druggies and lepers in the eyes of this man! First, there is the term “gay” itself. Blacks and Latinos who shun their lighter brethren often attack “gay” as a white concept. They prefer to call themselves guys who like guys. I myself have abandoned the term “gay” for a man who has sex with other men. Most government agencies now use MSM or “men who have sex with men” in lieu of “gay” or “homosexual”. I still call myself gay if it’s convenient but I'm still uncomfortable because I feel a bit less human: That I’m not a man or a guy or even a person, but I’m a “gay”. Somehow the word makes me feel like a creature from another dimension. So I’m on the same page with blacks and Latinos over “gay”. Unfortunately this alone does not go far enough in opening the hearts and minds of many blacks and Latinos towards their lighter brethren. Several days earlier, I wrote about seeing a slide show of the Christopher Street piers from the late 1970s. This was New York City’s golden age of gay sex. Yeah, I said “gay sex” but that’s the way I’m used to talking. Feel free to substitute any other politically correct word in your mind when you see “gay” here. Anyway, nearly 100% of the guys on the piers back then where white. Almost everyone in the gay scene throughout New York was white, or appeared to be white. When I came out in the late 1980s, I soon wondered where were the blacks, Latinos, Asians, etc. in all this? It’s as if the non-white gay presence was not published until about 1990. More on this in my next entry, where I will write about my beliefs on the resentment and backlash against the white MSMs who glossed over other races in the 70s and 80s. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
7:15 pm	Welcome to New York, for better or worse This week has been a bit depressing. A lot of rain has fallen in the New York City area since last Saturday, and continues to fall intermittently. I live on a top floor apartment of a classic New York prewar-style building, and have learned this week that my roof is not waterproof, but more like water resistant. In other words, my apartment is generally dry when it doesn’t rain or rains moderately for no more than a few hours. New York gets a lot of rain, but it rarely rains continuously hard for more than a couple of hours. Saturday, it rained hard with wind for more than 12 hours. My apartment held up well, till after midnight, Sunday morning. That’s when water started dripping down the wall right next to my bed. I had this problem before around July 4th and was told the problem was fixed and my ceiling repaired. But with the leak opening anew this weekend, I realized “fixed” in this place means temporarily patched over, till the next heavy rain. Two more leaks opened, which I had not seen before. Both are in my entry foyer. One is right by the entrance to my apartment and required a bucket to catch dripping water at one point. The rain is still falling so I may get more drops into that bucket. I reported all this to the Service Department, but now I started fearing that winter will bring lots of snow on the roof with a steady supply of melt water to make leaks that could last for weeks! My fears were alleviated somewhat when a service department supervisor and neighbor told me that snow hasn’t caused leaks in the past, just rain. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m happy to hear it. For those of you who don’t live in New York, the water stain is as much a New York City icon as the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty. I was told that leaks sprang up all over this housing development this week and, in the past, I’ve seen other many places throughout the city with leaky roofs and walls. I was hoping my apartment would not be one of these places, but as long is the leaks do not disseminate throughout my apartment, I will still consider this a better alternative to a noisy neighbor upstairs. I also still feel that more apartments get flooded as a result of careless tenants from above than from the weather. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 3rd, 2005
11:46 pm	History of the "Christopher Street Piers" On Friday I saw an amazing slide show about the piers near Christopher Street in the Village from the mid 1970s to the mid 1980s. For years, these and other piers where used commercially to offload goods from docked vessels. Sometime in the early to mid 1970s (I was less than 10-years-old at that time) these piers were gradually abandoned; perhaps as a result of greater efficiency using large airplanes to carry goods and or cheaper pier rates in New Jersey, on the other side of the Hudson River. The 1970s was a terrible economic time for New York and the city had no money to guard the piers and no immediate plans to transform them. For a brief time - mid 1970s to early 1980s - the piers were a no-man's land where scores (if not hundreds!) of gay men would flock to day and night, when the weather cooperated, to strip, sunbathe nude or semi-nude, and or have recreational sex! All was not well, however, for gay man at piers. The structures and piers themselves were decaying and many risked serious injury or death from falling through holes or weak flooring. I don't know how many "patrons" were injured or killed in this fashion. There were gangs and various hate-mongers who swept through the piers at almost any time, harassing and injuring gays. There were the police raids, which rounded up gays down there for - I guess - indecent exposure and lewd behavior. Finally, there was AIDS; an invisible nemesis to all who wanted to enjoy the sexual fruits at the piers. Folks were not aware of AIDS and HIV till later on. The slide show captured a rare photographic history of this amazing time period which few others had the nerve to photograph (I know I wouldn't have had the nerve to photograph it!) So I have tremendous gratitude for the photographer. Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Disco (Comment on this)